Thirty five days since I have returned from India. What has happened since?
1. The Superbowl. Enough said.
2. The moon has completed one lunar monthly cycle. During this past cycle was Chinese New Year. This seemed a bit early for me since the last few Chinese New Year celebrations took place in the middle of February as opposed to the end of January. That means Easter will probably come “early”.
3. Popular revolutions in the Arab world continue. Remember what started last year? Well, that same stuff is still happening, only different countries, different regimes, but very similar outcomes.
That’s the outside world. What about me and the rest of the team?
That is a hard question to answer. What happened to us was more internal than external and it continues to be that way. For some, it’s back to school. For me and all the rest, back to work. Except for Casey – who’s retired. At work and school, I went back to the routine of testing software, writing new certifications, and testing more software. At times, I spend my entire day on one particular testing environment; I would get there at 8:30am and would still be working on the same test environment at 4:30pm with little or no apparent progress. My co-workers will ask: How was your trip to India? I have to give the 30 second answer or else it would take hours to recount all the highlights and incidents. Usually, it begins “It was awesome!” and ends with “There’s so much more to say but we all have to get back to work”.
At times, I felt extremely depressed. I would find myself saying: “Only x days ago, I was in India doing Y.” That soon becomes “Only x weeks ago, I was in India doing Y.” Now, it was “Only a month and a half ago, I was in India doing Y.” And it always ends with, “Now, I’m back in the States doing …” Charles Swindoll recounted the story of an old black man telling him in his youth: “Little Charles, it’s the little things.” Indeed, it is the little things in life, the mundane if you will, that will get you. It is the little things in life that will rob you of the great memories and feelings until the joys of traveling and sharing love to others are a distant memory and vague feelings that is kept alive only through pictures. This is the emotional low; in India, I was on the mountain with God. In the States, I am on the plains with a question mark.
But that is when reunions restore such joy. I had a reunion with my team two weeks ago. It was such a great joy to see them again and to find that they too are going through the same things. One lady had lost her father just days ago and we all gathered to comfort and console her. I had shared with others what I felt and to be vulnerable and open about insecurities was liberating because they could give and I could receive love. And then I could turn that around and give love and encouragement to those who are also hurting and wondering about what to do and how they should feel… because they too were open.
So what will happen next? Two team members are going back to India to the same organization for a “residency” program. Others will get married in the summer. Others will finish school or continue. However, in reality, no one knows. It’s scary not to know, but when life is like writing a novel, I always surprise myself when the next chapter is written.
amicusveritae 